The Writing Process

My Desk, shot on medium format by James Florio

What’s my process? Anything but. First is the setting. Am I comfortable? What am I wearing? Am I hydrated? The desk needs to be spotless. The postcards and stickies on the wall need to be perpendicular with the seams of the wall. Is that a headache? Pop an ibuprofen just to be sure. Make some tea. Plug in the wireless headphones because they are — of course — dead. Let’s go get a snack real quick, and on the way to the kitchen remember the wet laundry waiting to be hung. 15 minutes later, the kitchen really needs to be cleaned, and I can’t possibly write in my room knowing the kitchen is in disarray. 20 minutes later, we’re walking down the hill to put the trash in its can, only Sq looks so happy outside, running free, so we might as well keep walking to the mailbox. Only bills, of course, nothing ever good. No one ever writes me, even though I keep sending these damn postcards. Back up the hill to the house — fuck I’m out of breath — when does living here become normal? Where is Squanto? Goddamn it. Squanto! Squanto! Oh, there he is. Get back here, dingus! Ok, inside. I need to hydrate. I need to start writing. Ok, ok. Well, actually now I need to pee. Ok, I’m sitting down. God this chair is uncomfortable and my neck is already killing me. Fuck it. Ok, new page. Ok. Ok. Ok, let’s look for some new clothes for the fall, just to get an idea of what’s out there. Ok cool, can’t afford any of that. Time for some Talking Heads. Damn this song is so good. I fucking love the Talking Heads. Wow, I really can’t write while this is on. That’s ok though cause I’m just getting into the zone. Maybe I could one day write something as good as this Talking Heads song. Ok, I have to change this. Here’s some house music, perfect. I’m really flowing now. I feel so good. This is gonna be great. Where do I start? What am I writing about? Remember that time we did blow in the bathroom of that bar in London? Damn that was fun. Why did I just think of that? Ok, I need to change this music I can’t concentrate at all. I haven’t written a single word. Ok, whale sounds, youtube, got it. OMG there’s a new interview with the Jonas brothers online?! Sick, I’ll just watch this really quickly and be good to go. God, why are they so appealing right now? Oh wait, I haven’t seen this one either. Hahaha that was so funny they’re so funny. Oh my god, whale sounds. Ok, ok, whale sounds. Go back to the blank page. Here we go! What? Oh, you need to go out? Can’t it wait — I’m writing. Ugh, ok. Hold on, let me get my shoes.